Friday Haiku
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Friday, July 8, 2011
Friday Haiku
Pre-arranged marriage:
Cultural Institution!
As is Suicide.
Geordi La Forge
Got a post-Star Trek fwip for
Three Way to Heaven
– The Dude
Unfortunately,
her shirt looks like a torn jock-
strap across her chest
– idfma
Asian robot clown
She’s not happy to be there
I’ll have the number 23
– Et Tu Douche?
Earthlings privy to,
close encounters of turd kind
E.T. Slits his wrists
– hermit android thumbs
Welding accident
left helmet fused to his head
it’s better that way
– Medusa Oblongata
Lead paint in our toys
And now this in our night clubs
China brings down West
– Mr. Scrotato Head
Friday, July 1, 2011Friday Haiku
Some men are from Mars;
These women are from Venus.
He’s from Uranus.
His Hardy undies
are lined with Saturn’s rings and
Jupiter’s brown eye.
– Wheezer
These girls look as if
Tropical fish got their wish
To be human Bleeths
– Vin Douchal
Tilted camera
Meant to make scene look edgy
Next time use an axe
– Mr. Scrotato Head
PTP Hottie
On left looks a bit dismayed.
Barbizon School lied.
– Wedgie
Did this bar do right
thing and plant Venus Flytraps
just above the bar?
– Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche
The Photographer
used a “dutch angle”; but Tim
asked for “dutch rudder”…
– everything but the gonad
Friday, June 24, 2011Friday Haiku
Technicolor vag
And Loony Toons torso man
Put the “ink” in “stink”
– DS
Pregnancy ruins
gunt tatt for dopey bleeth chick.
Scribbles doesn’t care.
– Troy Tempest
Rising from her taint
Like a Phoenix from Ashes
The ashes are crabs
– jonezy
Plastic gears and rings
Tattoo needle attachment
Hasbro Spirograph
– Vin Douchal
Newspaper boy has
Religion and Comics. Sports
Results go to page taint.
– The Reverend Chad Krœger
Her vajayjay looks
Like it just self tossed its own
Salad. Now that’s art!
– Nancy Dreuche
Friday, June 17, 2011Friday Haiku
The Bald Peen Hammer
Hangs tough; can’t see Todd’s merkin
Forgotten on scalp…
Hey baby. You all
Kinds of hot. Want to feel my
Big scoliosis.
– The Reverend Chad Kroeger
Making kissylips
Won’t disguise reality
Male pattern baldness
– ehcuodouche
DNA mixed with
Gnat , baboon and buzzard genes
Produced his hairpiece
– Vin Douchal
Hi, I’m a salesman
at the Des Moines Hot Topic
I can’t afford you.
– Mandouchian Candidate
Hairline receding
Trent vowed “Screw Hair Club for Men”
Sports squirrel instead.
– Mr. Scrotato Head
On a quick set break
Fluffer and his assistant
Discuss his techniques.
– Wedgie
Friday, June 10, 2011Friday Haiku
Brought to you by DarkSock:
Mom and Jackson 5
Get busy in prom Limo;
Finger Lickin’ Good
Slumdog Hundredaire
Picks his nose new school style
Milf mom looks to escape
– Et Tu Douche
Mmm licking fingers
Taste like curry and shitwipe
Trunk ride on way back
– Vin Douchal
Osmond family
has its reunion ruined
by Jermaine Jackson
– Medusa Oblongata
Last ditch attempt to
Kick out the gay involves forced
Orgy with white chicks.
– The Reverend Chad Kroeger
Devry Institute
prom van. Earn degree in stink
finger in 3 weeks.
– Cool Hand Douche
Hold on a second.
If the driver is back here,
Then who is drive- AAAAAUUUUUGGHHH!
– Jacques Doucheteau
Friday, June 3, 2011Friday Haiku
Hottie flips ‘The Bird’
At Lance Bass spikey pudwack,
Who prefers roosters.
Duckie, joy of joys,
When I squeeze you, you make noise!
Lose the Fart Bubble.
— Douche Boyardee’s Cheese and Bagaroni
Backstreet Boy Douchebag
Apparently Castrated
Should be Groping Mamms…
— Mandouchian Candidate
Boobies look like eggs
That baby chick can’t keep warm
Who wants an omellete?
— saulgoode42
Hey Kelly Bundy
I will rubber ducky, oops
purple money shot
— boone doggle
Body paint sexy
But China paint is doped with
Lead, Cesium, Pee.
— Dude McCrudeshoes
Rubber Duckie you’re
the one, making bath time so
much fun, with boobies
— Master Pee
Wednesday, May 25, 2011Hump Day Haiku
Veteran threads commenter and human Random Access Memory Device, Wheezer, offers a haiku to kick-start this slow morning with a rare Wednesday edition of “Friday Haiku”:
On break from help desk,
Sunil, Hari of Mumbai
both need Burma Shave.
Friday Haiku (Mr. Scrotato Head Edition)
HCwDB’s Resident Smack-Down Laureate Mr. Scrotato Head kicks off today’s guest-hosted Friday Haiku featuring the e’er-ubiquitous King D:
Betty Keratin
The King sports shades to save eyes
Lamp flares jealously
If you think your sorry ass can top Mr. Scrotato Head, by all means go for it and post your attempt, as always, in the “comments” section.
UPDATE: Here’s Mr. Scrotato’s hand-picked winners.
Silvery duct tape
Keeps blue dress on golden globes
Save some for his mouth
– Douche Wayne
Vermillion shmuck,
Destroys men’s fashion edicts,
“tie should touch the belt”.
-Colossus of Choads
Raging neon burns
Hair on fire without flames
tuck in your shirt douche
– Claude Douchenburg
Image burned in my
screen. Thanks, assholes. Apple Care
won’t cover douche damage.
– Mr. White
Orange you glad boobies
aren’t balloons? Spiked hair’s around:
saline eruption.
– Douchie Arnaz
Friday Haiku
Carrot Top’s brother,
Radish Top, busts prop comic,
Prop is gay-ass hair.
When your role models
Are Chaz Bono, Carrot Top
Confusion abounds
— Vin Douchal
Middle hot, no drink?
Just poured it on hammer head.
He went KABLOOEY!
— The Reverend Chad Kroeger
Flaming ‘Bag of Poo
Is really kinda crafty:
False teeth boob magnets
— saulgoode42
Those fuccen Russkies
Lost the cold war but managed
To keep best hookers
— Wedgie
Bag-ady Ann Doll
Bratz dolls have to play with him
They lost the receipt
— DRK
NICE RED HAIR, ASSHOLE
HIGH CHEEKBONES, OR GIANT ZIT
COUGARS SEEK LOST YOUTH
— IVAN BAGGO
Reverse Weird Science
Girls create 90s troll doll
regret decision
— jonezy
I, too, like Junior
Bacon Cheeseburgers, but I
don’t dress like Wendy.
— massengill
Friday, May 6, 2011Friday Haiku
Straight to video,
Ego Production for Dave,
“Lord of the Cokk Rings.”
Correct thought Left Hott!
You plunge that Klingon Dagger!
Right into his groin!
— Franklyn DealorNo Doucheifelt
I, Brodo Baggins,
Do solemnly swear this sword
Has a small penis
— saulgoode42
To get hotts like this
I must dress like this swordscrote
Find bad jeans post haste
— Hong Kong Douchey
brunette on the left
mayan eye of coitus gives
jeans don’t measure up
— Crazed Aborigine
His head not yet grown
All the way back to full size
Will Smith just shot him
— Wedgie
Sir Fapsalot says,
“Make this quick, bitches. My mom
picks me up at two.”
— Cool Hand Douche
