Friday Haiku
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Friday, October 1, 2010
Friday Haiku
Rat Tail Joey tries
to booty bump Kelly, but
goggles do nothing.
Nu Poo frat mixer
sees paid-to-pose hotts luring
new plebes for spankings.
— Wheezer
Goggle boy could not
Decide between bed-head look
Or dreadlocks. Tried both.
— The Goob the Bag and the Pudly
Nineties Oakley Blades
Rest on hair extension mop
Get me the scissors
— Battlescrote Gallactica
It takes a real choad
To make spike hair taint seem like
Acceptable choice
— Deltus
Douche has cords on neck
Surely one could be used to
hang? Or use pigtails.
— Franklyn DealorNo Doucheifelt
Lost in sea of poo
Is dynamite hott in pink
Begging for rescue
— DoucheyWallnuts
Checking WebMD,
That photo makes my eyes itch.
Yup, I have face crabs.
— Blair
Mams o’marshmallow
Need milk chocolate, grahm crackers,
And my schlong betwixt.
-Amerigo Vesdouchey
Friday, September 24, 2010Friday Haiku
Itchy Itch is rich,
Like that kid on “Silver Spoons,”
Brit Hotts paid to pose.
Marks-A-Lot Tattoo
Draws hotts to douchebag like moths
To a tainty flame
— fidouchiary responsibility
Blond Mary knows that
Purity is achieved through
clean. Enema, Stat!
— Franklyn DealorNo Doucheifelt
A Christmas Story ‘bag
Awakes to find hotts under tree
Chocolate milk anyone?
— mr.reeve
William F. Buckley:
The Wild, Crazy College Years
“WHAT IS THIS, VASSAR?!?”
— DarkSock
Zack had an idea
Build a social network site
Facebook got there first
— Mr. Scrotato Head
Starter combover
Ralphie Parker all grow’d up
“Check out my tattoo!”
— elder
Lost on the way to
Return of Bosom Buddies
Scolari Junior
— SonnyChibaChoad
Bruised from the swirly.
Charles tries for his first girly.
Chest not like Khan. Khannnn!
— The Reverend Chad Kroeger
Friday, September 17, 2010Friday Haiku
Captain Cavepud flies!
Sharon lost a bet with Kate,
Must steal underoos.
Stan uses rent check,
Visits Las Vegas brothel,
Has to hitch hike home.
— Devon Wheatcakes
Texdouche disproves myth:
“All things in Texas are big.”
All hat, no cattle.
— Jeff Reed Towel Dispenser
Incredible Dolt
Busts out of his Hardy clothes
Forgot the sunblock
— Poultry Turd
Cowboy Zack gears up
Long, hard cattle drive ahead
Down stairs to the pool.
— Mr. Scrotato Head
As the summer wanes,
bugs begin dying, but douche
still molts the Axe layer.
— Wheezer
Montana cowboy,
Performs groin shave with sheep shears,
Shears off his weenus.
— scrotum pole
Midnight Cowboy Fail,
Big city dreams lost in the aether
The future is bleak
— Et Tu Douche?
Friday, September 10, 2010Friday Haiku
Rusty, Plaid skulls, yo.
Like goth Alfred E. Newman,
Mona dreams of plants.
Morrie’s hanging loose
Mona’s drinkin’ the Goose
Damnit where’s the noose
— Eliza Douchecoo
Plaid Skull MacDouchgal
trolls the Glasgow bars, hoping
to blow some bagpipes.
— Wheezer
Culled from the headlines
Grease fueled explosion and fire
Don’t smoke near choads, kids
— Vin Douchal
Running mascara.
Trail of tears,
The wind & soul howls
— Et tu Douche?
With open eyes
You can stare into the face
Only a fist could love
— iDouche
Punk’s not dead, say some.
If Rusty represents it,
Maybe it should be.
— Jeff Reed Towel Dispenser
Suburban punk rock
Mommies credit card buys Jager
Angst without reason
— Battlescrote Gallactica
This here photograph
Took my creative juices
and stomped them to bits
— the douche is alright
Raven haired siren
Sucks the soul out of Rusty
She starves, he says “Grooo?”
— Mr. Scrotato Head
Friday, September 3, 2010Friday Haiku
Hungry Tendon Ted,
Mutant pea nip grease sandwich,
Sally still ‘rexic.
Pneumatic Meatpuds
An impotent scowl-a-thon
with Bimbo Light
— douches wild
Still hurts when I pee
Crotch shave will impress indeed
Stupid tats for me
— wonderdouche twin
Labor Day cookouts
bring threat of grease fires? Why is
the Kingsford oily?
— Wheezer
Dude, how many carbs
In this bottle of water?
Asks tattooed genius
— Vin Douchal
Muscles compensate
For freakishly small nipples.
Ted masters derp-face.
— End the Haberdouchery
We have the hostage
My pepperoni nipples
Will call you at eight
— saulgoode42
Buffet Line Betty
Likes steroid Meatclown sandwich
Pass the Douche Poupon
— Battlescrote Galactica
Chodester taints love
Flexing muscles for camera
I am ready for pear
— mr.reeve
Friday, August 27, 2010Friday Haiku
Phil Leopard bares spots,
Rubs up on Bartender Jen,
Makes lame cougar jokes.
L.A. weather gal
Throws it back to studio
Dry, with chance of douche
— Vin Douchal
Lost his job, his house
Then his wife. What’s Ned got left?
Why, his dignity.
— Mr. Scrotato Head
Ryan Seacrest asks
His token date, “Does this make
Me more or less gay?”
— Crucial Head
As cheetah nuzzles,
Gazelle screams through her smile,
“Animal control!”
— Condouchious
Leopard boy tells hott,
“You got some nice big hooters.”
He sure ain’t Lion!
— scrotum pole
Silver hammer shirt
Beatles reference? Spots are scars
Maxwell, swing harder!
— Count douchekevich
Faux leopard hair hawk
Whispers to Plastic Debbie
“Does my breath stink?”
— mr.reeve
Friday, August 20, 2010Friday Haiku
In Vegas, the beast,
Lucifer’s epiphany:
Just another douche.
Fawk red hair
Fawk devil’s horns
Ming Li wants sushi
— mr.reeve
Rehab Anti-Christ
heard Jebus won a Monthly;
answers the challenge.
— Wheezer
While the Old Bag slept
His friends dyed hair with Kool-Aid
He thought it was rad
— Mr. White
The “Biker Rabbi”
Drives his Hog from shul to shul
Free circumscisions
— Vin Douchal
I never wanted
To ever have a real job
My plan is working.
— Wedgie
Damn, Satan sharted.
Forty-three is the new…douche.
Lucifer don’t wipe.
–Amerigo Vesdouchey
So apparently
Satan’s drink of choice is gin
from water bottle.
— Bag Margera
Friday, August 13, 2010Friday Haiku
DJ Hacky Hack,
Nadja reconsiders,
“Was Ukraine that bad?”
Friday the Thirteenth,
Triscrotedoucheaphobia:
Fear of pec reveal
— Wheezer
Boris shows off waxed chest
and hopes Nadja drinks
Ruffy filled Cape Cod
— mr.reeve
D & G dogtag
Douchebag diabetic shock
No sugar added
— Horace Dangleballs
Douche preens for the cam
Nadja wonders silently
“Do I smell Prep H?”
— Crucial Head
Athletes trained from birth
Their whole lives commited to
Pairs Thousand Yard Stare
— Mr. Scrotato Head
Oleg rocks Kiev
Massive E hit kicks in hard
Ignores Natasha
— SonnyChibaChoad
La Douchebag Loca!
She Bangs! She Bangs! He takes it!
Ricky Martin’s straight?
— Franklyn DealorNo Doucheifelt
Friday, August 6, 2010Friday Haiku
Edgar the Turnip,
Douche pic of toxic kiss plaid.
Kendra’s spleen pukes stars.
Argyle Patel
Stars cascade down Nott-Hott’s side
Does my baby-bump show?
— SonnyChibaChoad
“Am I as a man?”
Quoth the craven, “Nevermore.”
– Edgar Allan Poo
— Wheezer
Prince Purple will Reign
Over greasy & plain Jane
And leave a huge stain
— saulgoode42
Chillin at the courthouse with
Homeless bleeth and star tats
Frolicking later
— Baleen
That tatt on her side
is like the Vietnam wall
of “Bra!” tributes, Bro!
— the douche is alright
Kendra just had to pee
But stayed for the make up tips
Don’t forget to wipe
— Mr. Scrotato Head
Careful there, Rajiv!
Your mortal foe – the TP
holder could wipe you!
— Franklyn DealorNo Doucheifelt
A splendid bathroom
marred by orange kissy face
toilet paper weeps
— Medusa Oblongata
Friday, July 30, 2010Friday Haiku
Wonderbread lake turds,
Burnt to a douchebag crisp,
No hott, so here’s pear.
Douches forgot their
SPF. God smites them with
nuclear sun rays.
— Franklyn DealorNo Doucheifelt
Call Carl Spackler
to get three pieces of poo
out of Bushwood Lake
— dknutty
Overcome by fumes
Burnt by the tanning bed sun
Twin choads flank MILF Hott
— SonnyChibaChoad
Oil slick rises up
Takes a semi-human form
and poses for pic.
— Hot Buttered Poopcorn
Microscope view shows
paramecium party;
single brain cell ‘bags.
— Wheezer
Fart squealching grimace
Proud choads pose with their mom
Won chili contest
— Vin Douchal
Tony’s blue blockers
Can’t stop Tina’s fake knockers
All three are Fokkers
— saulgoode42
Lake trip mem’ries fade
But some things last forever
Like melanoma
— Mr. Scrotato Head
