Poolbaggery
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Thursday, April 19, 2012
Where's Poolpud?
Somewhere in this lineup of taut quarter bouncing car alarm sounding vibratorio bellyrub giggle spackle, I’ve carefully hidden a six pack of Poolpud.
Look closely. Can you smirk in three months when they’re manning the fryer at Bob’s Big Boy?
Wednesday, April 18, 2012Nerdy Melvin Gets Lucky
Here’s the thing Melvin, and can I call you Melvin?
Assuming you don’t bat for the home team, there’s really only one rule when you’re lucky enough to get Porny Lacey Boobie Suckle Thigh Maria to “Woo!” with you at the requisite pool party.
Rule #1: No Cell-Phone-Speedo.
I might’ve even let the stupid glasses go.
But no.
You are douche.
Boobs.
Saturday, April 7, 2012Special Emergency "Caption This" Telethon…
…Because damned if I can put words to this.
Sanskrit UnderMoob Is Not Amused
Despite basking in the glow of Bubbles McGee’s twin suns, Sanskrit UnderMoob chooses to be lugubrious, dour and doleful. Whenever he’s with her no one seems to notice his sweet sub-pectoral calligraphy…go figure.
Medical Fact: They both have something in their underboob regions. His is a regrettable decision in indelible ink. 10 points to your Hogwarts Classmates if you can guess what’s under hers…
Tuesday, April 3, 2012It Must Eat Bran
Hoop-Ring Hilda beseeches you to join her write-in campaign compelling Grey Goose to offer a line of fiber-reinforced spirits.
If not for Constipated Carl…then for Pensive John Smallman, palely loitering in the background.
Monday, April 2, 2012Two Tickets to Pair O' Douche
Duckface Donna and Dutch-Angle Denise have just won the douche-lottery! It’s all fun and games with the San Diego Double-Douche Duo, until the gals realize that groin-baring Burt does not in fact have a sweet-ass stomach tattoo…just a gangrenous belly button caused by a stubbornly lodged Skittle.
Foolio's Crotch Warning is Literal
Maureen’s Spring Break took a turn for the worse when she thought Foolio’s crotch guns were a metaphor for gangstaism, not the herp.
Thursday, December 1, 2011Superfluous Mike Gets in the Way
But on the bright side, the fungus growing on his arm can cure lupus.
Crazy Eyes Stephanie wears matching hair scrunchy and lingere to the pool party in North Hollywood, while her bestie, Party Hardy Kat, reconsiders going back on the road with Three Doors Down now that they’re back to playing smaller venues.
Monday, October 24, 2011Beach Hottness Sophie and Bro Johnson Dispute the HCwDB of the Week
For punishment, Beach Hottness Sophie will now commence with my windpipe crushing between her taut, oily, slightly salty tasting with a dash of lotion and parika, upper thigh areas, while I gasp for my last breath of air in a delicious swirl of conscious losing fatigue.
Oh how I would gnaw coquettishly uponst her glutes for an escape from the clutches of death that would never arrive, like a delayed and relentless corporeal priapism throughout the synapses of my suffering, punished soul.
Wednesday, September 14, 2011Morning Thoughts and Scratches
I spent last night catching up on my DVRd shows. Season finales of the hilarious Curb and pointless Entourage, and a nice Who to cap it all off.
Then I laid on my rug, scratched my inner crotch area with a wet lufa, and dreamed of Kunis Butter.
Woke up this morning feeling refreshed.
Sat at my computer.
Ate a pop tart.
Glanced at Ivan Brosky and Pecsy McGill broing it up next to All American Mandy. Enough to upchuck a squirrel.
Or squirrel an upchucked woodchuck chuck.
Or something.
Cue Rocky IV references.
I need a coffee.
EDIT: Swapped the pic on account of lack of hot chick status. If I gotta look at bropecs with the first draft of my next book written on them, then at least gimme some bobbs.
