Hall of Scrote
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Monday, August 8, 2011
No More Perfect Sucklethigh Karen
Karen from Jeffy Nottabag Wins at the Game of Life wrote in with a very polite and well worded takedown request, due to an angry ex writing nasty comments in the comments thread, so I’ve honored her request.
However, Karen did provide us a link to her modeling page. Let the pooch spackle begin.
King Douchuous the IV approves of pooch spackle pear.
Tuesday, July 26, 2011Bra!! Lives!! (and Still Enjoys Tasty Cola Products)
It’s been over three years since Bra!! first ordered a tasty Pepsi to impress the tiny Asian he met poolside while rolling through life, brohemian style.
Over three years, but in many ways Bra!! enjoys his beverages eternally.
For Bra!! will enjoy tasty cola products as long as there are tasty cola products to be enjoyed.
Here’s to you, Brosephus!! May your Pepsi supply and friendly Quartasian Hottie supply never run dry.
EDIT: This is not a new pic of Bra!!. But Bra!! lives on, sipping away, in our hearts and beverages.
Wednesday, July 20, 2011HCwDB After Dark
C’mon in!! It’s HCwDB After Dark!!
Grab an air-beanbag and pull up a seat by the Grecian fire pit.
Would you like a mint julep? I made them myself from real mint juleps.
Try one of the crab cake pastry puffs. It’s a family recipe. We call them “Crab Cake Pastry Puffs.”
Mmmm… good, right?
It’s After Hours
Where we mix our postmodern filmic references like so many late night Tarantino post toe suckle hallucinations.
But the ‘Slap Donkey Douche is still out there.
Still posing for pics.
Fighting the Douche Fight so the rest of us can mock onward until dawn…
EDIT: I’m so drunk on my own Juleps, mixed up my Hall of Scroters for a minute there.
Thursday, July 7, 2011Where’s Fish Slap?
Somewhere in this coupling of classic Vegas hottie/douchey sweetness and schlort, I’ve carefully placed the rapidly aging/sagging form of HCwDB legend Fish Slap.
Look closely.
Can you explain the five year gap on his resume when interviewing him for night shift at Carl’s Jr.?
Thursday, June 9, 2011HCwDB After Dark: King Douchuous the IV Edition
Pull up a sofa chair and grab a fried Twinkie from the kitchen!! It’s HCwDB After Dark.
Where we sip quality box wine, kick off our shoes, and meditate on the hottie/douchey dialectics.
Today, we consider the King once again. For there are many carriers of the Grieco Virus in 2011.
Few are as epic as The King.
Even Brunette Mandy can’t survive the douchal radiation for long. Soon, Pink Hat Tilt and groin shave reveal bikini drop emerge.
Not that there’s anything wrong with groin shave reveal bikini drop on a Woo Hottie. It’s called the Douchadox. And it is hypocritical inconsistency at its most suckle thighish.
Sunday, May 29, 2011Sometimes you slap the fish…and sometimes the fish slaps you
Well, my time behind the wheel here at HCwDB draws to an end. DoucheBag1 returns his firm and calloused hand to the helm; refreshed and wizened from his walkabout, like the Alpaca of Fate after catching that perfect wave.
What enlightenment will he bring forth from the misty crowns of the Andes and the ruins of Chichen Itza and Machu Picchu?
Specifically, has he learned any lessons about messin’ with them alpacas…?
We wait, DB1, with Bated Breath for you to share with us what you herd.
Because you have found the sacred truth: That in each of us flows some alpaca blood.
We now rejoin DB1 in his journey: to learn, to discover, and most importantly…to mock them silly douche bastards.
And what of myself? I too now feel a calling; a journey to enlightenment that will pull me away for some time; my own Walkabout.
I’ma Walkabout ten steps over to my wet bar and pour 3 fingers of my very fine 25 year old Rittenhouse Rye, splash a little Fiji Water into it, and enjoy. Because every journey begins with a step; however, like Reverend Chad, mine will end in 12 steps.
I’ll rejoin you all inside the Peanut Gallery tomorrow, where together we shall continue the Fight.
Friday, May 20, 2011Friday Haiku (Mr. Scrotato Head Edition)
HCwDB’s Resident Smack-Down Laureate Mr. Scrotato Head kicks off today’s guest-hosted Friday Haiku featuring the e’er-ubiquitous King D:
Betty Keratin
The King sports shades to save eyes
Lamp flares jealously
If you think your sorry ass can top Mr. Scrotato Head, by all means go for it and post your attempt, as always, in the “comments” section.
UPDATE: Here’s Mr. Scrotato’s hand-picked winners.
Silvery duct tape
Keeps blue dress on golden globes
Save some for his mouth
– Douche Wayne
Vermillion shmuck,
Destroys men’s fashion edicts,
“tie should touch the belt”.
-Colossus of Choads
Raging neon burns
Hair on fire without flames
tuck in your shirt douche
– Claude Douchenburg
Image burned in my
screen. Thanks, assholes. Apple Care
won’t cover douche damage.
– Mr. White
Orange you glad boobies
aren’t balloons? Spiked hair’s around:
saline eruption.
– Douchie Arnaz
King D Voted; How About YOU?
Hall of Scrote legend and over-achiever King Douchious just voted in the weeklies; what’s YOUR excuse?
I was almost ready to stop hatin’ on the D…then I saw it. That. Big. Ass. Watch.
Wednesday, May 4, 2011Breaking: Donkey Douche Back in Jail
While earlier this year we watched as the Donk Went Free, reader Magnum Douche P.I. sends in this breaking update from the courthouse on the latest in the ongoing epic decline of Hall of Scrote legend, The Donk:
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DB1: Love the site, keep up the great work.
I was doing some work at the DuPage County, IL courthouse and ran into the Donk.
He just keeps living up to his Lifetime Achievement Award winning ways. The bond on his pending criminal case for drug dealing was revoked after a seach warrant executed on his house on March 14th found 2,500 grams of cannabis. Bond revoked, back in jail, no bond, sitting until his pending trial. Here’s a link.
The guy just cracks me up. Just figured I’d let you know. Mock on.
Magnum Douche P.I.
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Note that on his courthouse page, The Donkster’s eye color is listed as “BRO.” Coincidence? I think not.
For there are bottles of Grey Goose out there that nobody is running with.
Monday, April 25, 2011Stackhouse The Poet Is Not Impressed
2010 Douchebag of the Year, Stackhouse The Poet, laughs at the aspiring douchery of Pukey Bowie.
Only the chosen few can mack on Tiny Sally by a trash pile while shirtless and busting D&G douche belt.
Because only the chosen few can rise (fall) to the lofty pudwankery and gradual descent into semi-employed bloat by the mid 30s that is The Stack.
EDIT: Stackhouse free associates.
