Grampa Joel Wins
There are oldbags like Marvin, from yesterday, whom we mock for trying to douche it up like the kids.
And then there’s Grandpa Joel.
Who wins.
Because he’s still out there.
Hell, he’s still alive and lovin’ boobies. Have a full and complete nottadouche pass, Grampa Joel. Go in peace, and may your Metamuscil be fast acting.
The Waterbug
Continuing our recent theme of douchebags and hot chicks in the pool, meet The Waterbug.
Your typical fifth year Senior at a non-accredited university on spring break, scooping up Tasty Tonya in the pool, while wearing the unforgivable “hat + sunglasses + Jesus Bling in a swimming pool” choadwankery.
Still, The Waterbug would only be on the middle end of the douche scale. A stage-2 or 3-er.
But then he had to go and give us the tongue.
Tasty Tonya is a glorious doe eyed and firm gluted minx that deserves better.
And by better, I mean me, slavishly tickling her uvula with a pinky toe while the soundtrack to Twin Peaks plays at quarter speed.
He Is Not The Greatest
Rare do we get the chance tag a clubtaint purely on the douchetributes, and without so much as a glimpse of douche face.
Franju is that clubtaint.
This faceless ball itch could even win a Weekly with such a pileup of scrotal cloth.
Jersey Jenny has plenty of ‘tude, but against my better judgment I would still offer to lick her kneecaps like an unfed giraffe at a war-torn Bosnian zoo.
Party Dad Marvin Relives His Youth
Marvin looks like he’s probably the nice kind of dad. The kind that took you for ice cream along with his son after soccer practice.
So what the hell is Marvin doing douching it up Vegas style in the pool with Gnaw Party Melinda? Bling, sunglasses and, worst of all, Michelob Ultra?
Marvin is Oldbag. The signifiers are unforgivable.
In fact I think Harold’s priest from “Harold and Maude” needs to make the final statement on this pic.
HCwDB of the Week: Carla and The Bros ™
Carla’s sexy/porny Vegas boobuousness mixed with the tri-shirtless douchebaggery of The Bros ™ would’ve been enough to have a shot at winning a Weekly on its pure hottie/douchey visceral merits.
But then, in the comments thread, Sabio and The Bros ™ responded to HCwDB with an explosion of diarrhetic douche-speak.
We quickly discovered we’d inadvertently tapped into a fertile vein of Canadian Paid-to-Douche twatwaffle.
And by fertile vein, I mean face penii.
So for the douchey Sabio and his team of twatedness, and for Carla’s boobery, a well deserved HCwDB of the Week and slot in our next Monthly.
With appearances by HCwDB legends like The Starhawk, King D and 4 Prong, last week also featured The Ninja in the Picture accompanied by Hall of Scrote legend, Cro ‘Bagnon.
(Dis)honorable mention also goes to Prinze and Jessica, who nearly won the whole enchilada.
But them’s your third Weekly winner. A mock well deserved to Sabio and his Bros ™, to Carla and her tastyness, and the DB1 for Corn Pops.
“I Lift Things Up and Put Them Down”
One of the more enjoyable local ads I saw while I was in New York over the holidays.
Your Saturday Disembodied Floating Yankee Douchecap
Sometimes the Douchal Signifiers begin to move completely on their own.
Witnessing such a moment is often referred to in South America as witnessing the “Doucheacabra.”
Friday Thoughts and Links
As Pierre Bourdieu notes, culture and image tribes have long adorned themselves with the markers of status as part of their determinants imposed upon the mating ritual.
A complex series of social, cultural and hierarchical spheres of visual signification meant to establish ritualistic order over coupling and desire.
And yet.
Somewhere along the line, we ended up with this.
Four prong and boobie paint.
And Elijah kicked a lamb.
Here’s your links:
Your HCwDB DVD Pick of the Week: “Ok ladies it’s time for the GRATUITOUS NUDITY. You supply the nudity, and we supply the gratuity.” 
“WTF Beast.” An epic folk anthem for the po-po-mo generation.
Blogger David Medsker sums up HCwDB’s case against Denis Leary and perhaps rightly takes me to task for jumping the gun on my critique without having seen the show. Still, I stand by my thesis.
And so as not to pull a Leary myself, credit given to reader Luis Douchuel, who came up with the title “The ‘Lifestyle’ Takes Its Toll” along with his submission on Monday, and I used it without crediting him. My fault, L.D. All writing on the site should always be given credit to whomever wrote it.
Sabio and the rest of The Bros ™ find gainful employment in Canada as academically trained scholars of antiquity.
Ed Hardy invades iTunes and creates its own Douche App. Just when you thought it was safe to create a playlist.
A blogger asks why Asian guys prefer white chicks, references Four Prong. The answers lie in the spikes.
Only the boldest of ‘bag hunters and huntresses dare venture into the video gallery of London’s “Elite Parties.” Where stupid people overpay by the thousands to run with the goose for a few hours and pretend they’re having fun.
Okay. Lets get to it.
Today, for your serving of firm, glute hindquarters, we’re gonna mix it up:
A theatrical lineup of gnaw for your Friday eve, as we hike upwards and into the 2 out of 7 days that are not like the others.
Enjoy. For the weekend is upon.
EDIT: Some comments in the threads today aren’t immediately appearing due to a new spam filter, but will go up after a short delay. Should be running normally tomorrow.
Paulie and Angie Discuss Proust
Paulie feels that Marcel Proust’s fractured subjectivity is noted precisely by its lack of moral certainty, and it is here that Proust locates his critique of the alienation of modernity.
Angie disagrees, arguing that Proust’s fractured and emotive narrative style was simply a byproduct of the emerging episodic newspaper publishing cycles of the period, and it is in Proust’s critique of language itself that Proust critiques the realm of the psychoanalytic.
Who will win this debate?
