Dave and Mitch Hatch a Plan
Dave: Bro, you know what would be rad?
Mitch: What’s that, Broheim?
Dave: If we, like, totally wore the same shirt, only, like, you wear it in black, and I wear it in white!
Mitch: Bro! We’d be like negatives of each other!
Dave: Totally. And maybe then Jenna will pose for that pic for your Facebook so the ladies will know that you only roll with the A-List Hotties!
Mitch: Bro. Totally. That’s what I’ve been telling you! You gotta think outside the box, bro. And then all that mad puss will be yours.
Dave: I know, right? Hey, don’t forget to make that rocker face for the pic! You look like such a badass when you do that.
Mitch: Totally. Jenna wants me.
Dave: You can totally tell.
Crayon Gary
Crayon Gary so crazy!! He wears baby toys… around his neck!!
And if there’s one thing his chest tattoo tells us, it’s this: Time for Tubby bye bye! Time for Tubby bye bye!
Oh Simona.
How I would lightly anoint your bottom with fig extract and mosquito resin. And then read to you early Saul Bellow by candlelight, while charming you with ancedotes about my time in the merchant marines. And then humping your warm pillow when you get up to pee.
Flex Luthor and Jennifer Gear up for Monday
With their toxic cohabitation of beefy orange guido and sexy coquettish blonde, Flex Luthor and Jennifer, are gearing up for Monday’s HCwDB of the Week.
First appearing on the site in Power Flex Mode, Luthor’s diabolical plot for World Domination involves Creatine, power bars, and watching MMA matches at “Bob’s Watering Hole” off I-85.
Definitely the early favorites. But as Jed the Creepy Wankscrote showed, never underestimate the power of Creeper Douche to take down classic Jerz Pud.
New England Crab Chowder
Sure, Kevin and Sean O’Scrotey would get their ass kicked in Kenmore for sporting the double douche look while harassing Kevin’s sisters best friend, Morgan.
But what Kevin and Sean O’Scrotey don’t realize yet is that what happens in Vegas, stays on Facebook.
And Morgan’s brothahs, Jimmy and Johnny Riley (heirs to the Allston Riley’s Roast Beef fortune), are waiting with baseball bats by Soldier’s Field Road for payback.
HCwDB on MTV
For those who haven’t had a chance to check out the only official HCwDB show, with your humble narrator the creator and exec producer, MTV’s “Is She Really Going Out With Him?” is running two mini-marathons today, one on MTV and one on MTV2:
9:00 AM ET/PT on MTV
9:30 AM ET/PT on MTV
10:00 AM ET/PT on MTV
10:30 AM ET/PT on MTV
11:00 AM ET/PT on MTV
11:30 AM ET/PT on MTV
8:00 PM ET/PT on MTV2
8:30 PM ET/PT on MTV2
9:00 PM ET/PT on MTV2
9:30 PM ET/PT on MTV2
Help support the show so your humble narrator, the DB1, can get a Season #3.
That way I don’t have to get a real job. And can upgrade from Night Train to that classy Boone’s Farm stuff.
There will be many new pretender shows coming out in the future that will try to capture (aka rip off) the HCwDB style. But this is your true home for hottie/douchey mock.
Melanie and the Suckerfish
The editors at Harper Collins can’t figure out why their latest children’s book, Melanie and the Suckerfish, hasn’t caught on with the kids yet.
Militia Max and Carly
Militia Max demonstrates his military readiness and understanding of the horrors of war the only way he knows how.
With a $425 dollar designer t-shirt.
And a gadget watch he saw once in an old episode of “I Spy.” Because that’s how Militia Max rolls.
Carly thinks Max’s beefy arms are “rad!” and “cute!” She just wishes she hadn’t rolled over that dead sparrow in the VIP room.
The Jed Palette Cleanser
Two Jed the Creepy Wankscrote images in a row is simply too much mutantbag for one Wednesday.
So lets cleanse the palette and appreciate that Ubiquitous Red Cup ran the Boston Marathon on Monday.
Or if your palette cleansing veers towards the reflective and introspective rather than the comedic, have some Reflection Pear. If you stare long enough, you will find revelation regarding man’s existential plight. The fruitless pursuit of meaning in a world of unattainable pear.
Jed The Creepy Wankscrote Says "I Rock!"
To celebrate his victory in the Monthly, Jed the Creepy Wankscrote ditched Penny for her older, punkier sister, Holla, and they decided to rock out with their crocs out.
In a related story, Tim Burton sued Holla’s leg for copyright infringement.
Jed The Creepy Wankscrote Says “I Rock!”
To celebrate his victory in the Monthly, Jed the Creepy Wankscrote ditched Penny for her older, punkier sister, Holla, and they decided to rock out with their crocs out.
In a related story, Tim Burton sued Holla’s leg for copyright infringement.
