Strips of Fried Dough at county fairs and San Genarro festivals the world over envy this cut of Fried Dough, the luckiest Fried Dough of all the Fried Doughs to ever escape Fried Dough status and hit the beach to mack on the Jenny Twins.

Ghoulbaggery, not to be confused with standard douchebaggery, is the product of Emobag and Gothbag cross-pollination by way of post-2005 "Affliction" name-brandification.

Ghoulbags haunt clubs with the "I'm above this place" 'tude and the ethos of 80s heroin chic by way of $60 distressed t-shirts, on sale at Macy's.

They are ultimate poseur fraud choadwanks.

And yet the hotts in sundresses giggle at their toughness and angry displays of "alternative" manhood.

As such, they are simply another form of thematic douche, warmed over and reheated under cover of night, and should be laughed at, and have their chain-wallets confiscated by a big burly black guy who isn't fooled.

Nordic Viking says "Ja!"

But you did not ask Nordic Viking a question.

Nordic Viking just likes to say "Ja!"

Welcome back, fellow 'bag hunters and huntresses.

It's a shiny, polished New Year. Gone are last year's bodysprays. In are a new crop of Brody Jennerisms to be mocked and ridiculed, while lusting after their hotts.

Your humble narrator, still recovering from his drunken crawl through lower New York, is freshly shaved and ready to go. I've sprayed on my Man Junk, dusted off my copy of "Truly Tasteless Jokes Vol. 7" for a new round of verbal mock, and lightly powdered my outer thighs with confectioner's sugar and maraschino cherry. It's time.

Here's your first Weekly of 2009:

HCwDB of the Week Finalist #1: Tiny Anabelle Gets Swamped

With over a month of pics to choose from, there were many choices to cull down to a final three. But Tiny Anabelle was a no-doubt selection.

Getting circled by the cast of Sublime: The Musical was too awkward not to run.

The fact that the toolshed in the back is directing airplane traffic while Brillo Head on the right awkwardly hovers, all leads us to the Pterodactyl Douche up front.

Note classic "Shocker" hand gesture, dribbley chin pubes and a gut that looks like the alien from Meatballs 2.

And did I mention that Tiny Anabelle makes shellfish dance "under the sea"?

And by sea, I mean Antwerp. And by under, I mean bobby socks.

HCwDB of the Week Finalist #2: Loop de Poop

Rumors that this greasy crap-stain licking up on this Paid-to-Pose (PTP) brunette milkshake is an 80s hair-metal icon do not detract from the utter wrongness of the commingle.

Now it is true that the potential "PTP" status of the hott detracts from the gut-wrenching existential crisis that a true HCwDB pic should inspire in all who view it.

But we cannot be sure.

And where there is ambiguity, there is hypothetical projection.

And by projection, I mean stupid-ass stripey tiny scarves on middle-aged diaper poops.

And her suckle thighs are firm, yet soft, yet firm, yet soft.

HCwDB of the Week Finalist #3: Sir Sucks-a-Lot

Straddling the awkward line between sleazy Vegas promoter and Ducky in Pretty In Pink, Sir Sucks-a-Lot brings a 'hawk and plenty of 'tude, along with his Taylor Dane cutie, to the Weekly.

Not classic popped collar, go-to middle finger "tough guy" gesture, chin pubes, and douche-face.

Taylor Dayne is all sorts of drrty sexy, the kind who laughs at your jokes and is willing to make out at the bar even though people are getting annoyed.

She is delightful. And a hint of stomach area makes bluebirds sing "Zipp-a-dee-hoo-ha."

But I digress.

Which of these three coupling of hottie/douchey wrongness is wrong enough to win the first Weekly of 2009?

That, my friends, is up to you. Vote, as ever, in the comments thread.

It's a quiet sunday as I finish up my relaxing time lusting after the New York Boobie Suckle Thighs and mocking the Jerz Bridge-and-Tunnel ass puddles.

Lots of pics in the hamper as we gear up for full-speed-ahead tomorrow.

In the interim, here's a classic Club Barf whose 'tude amplifies his secondary-level adouchrements. Sure he's got the wristdanna, and some faux. But squashing purple dress while flipping off the camera? That's what elevates the choad to true mock-worthy status.

He is a sweat stain washed off the ballsack off Mutant Chet at the end of Weird Science. And yes, I'm still thinking about 80s Kelly LeBrock from New Years.

It's like the Macy's Day Thanksgiving Parade of Hottie/Douchosity.

Dazzle the Boobie Hottie Suckle Thigh with displays of prodigious circus strength.

Then get drunk and puke on her handbag.

Oh King D the IV.

You may have been instantly kicked off MTV's A Double Shot at Love last month.

But your spikey greasosity and constant cohabitation with the ladiez will always earn you a spot here at HCwDB.

Another Friday Thoughts and Links, as I realize hangovers don't disperse as easily in your 30s as they did in your 20s.

HCwDB's own Vin Douchal composes, writes and performs a tribute to Donkey Douche's recent arrest in the strange and surreal Donkey Opus in Douche Major.

New UFC Ring Girl Logan Stanton has freshly scrubbed Ivory Snow Girl Hottness. And, naturally, a Greasy Eurodouche growing out of her ear.

Here's a pic of Baby Fung, the teen years, before the Orangeness and Blowout took over. Although I'm not convinced it's him. He's supposedly in the white shirt on the left.

The dancing clown in yesterday's "He'll Be Loving You All His Life" clip is none other than MySpace Doucherstar ChadMac. Hometown: HATERVILLE, Georgia.

Speaking of Donkey Douche's arrest, here's a follow up (with new mini-fauxhawk mugshot goodness).

And finally, Christian Audigier, the assclown who brought us the plague of Ed Hardy, is such a douchenozzle, he... well, just look.

May you celebrate the purity of the body and soul without the need for name-brand validation tonight, and may your evening be douche-free.

Enjoy it now, Huck and Tom, for when Carolina turns 18 and moves to New York, she'll trade in your doughey asses for a Wall Street Trader 'Bag.

Which is worse.

Great. I meant to mock you guys and just ended up depressing myself.

My new stalking obsession for 2009: actress Rebecca Hall.

Having first lusted over her freckled brunette luscious ball of boobie wax in Vicky Christina Barcelona and again yesterday in Frost/Nixon, Hall is the latest librarian glasses wearing buttercup of sunset rainbow melted Skittles in a Frying Pan delight to enter my subconscious and make me want to build a castle out of straw, then set it afire to protest a mortal universe.

While she had little more to do than stand there and look pretty in Hollywood Hack Ron Howard's first decent film since the genius that was Gung Ho, she still fired up my loins like a flamethrowing midget who torched my pajamas while slipping on a banana peel.

How he got into my pajamas, I'll never know.

Heh. I said pajamas.

You better not start dating a Hollywood douchemonkey, Ms. Hall. For I am watching. Should you end up with a Seacrest or a Mayer, I will mock. From a safe distance. And then shake my fist in outrage. Before sighing. And drinking a Mr. Pibb.

This pic is like a delayed assplosion of Douche/Hott.

At first you gravitate to the sexy back-arch on brunette, brilliantly revealed by the flimsiest of cloth. You almost don't notice the choad asswater floating to her right.

And then you do. And it smelly like dirty diaper poopie.

But then you notice the sweet smile on Sheen Hott, and hope is restored in images of tiny cupid angels dancing on the tops of tropical rainforests, and of sucking on her toes like a famished desert Saharan Iguana after the dry season.

But then you notice the facial chin pubes on Shrunken Baby Vin Diesel Douche on the left.

And all hope is lost once again.

Sperm Nipple haunts soul...
Distracts from big clam boobies.
Blonde Peeks Pants. Grateful.

Douche pays tribute to
Wardrobe malfunction. Someone
File class action suit.

-- massengill

Dow Corning is proud
to sponsor bikini top
how much did they cost?

-- Frodouche Baggins

This smug turd-burglar
gives a douchey reframe to
the phrase: "Tit for Tat"

-- Doucheous Scrotimus

Pink bikini blonde
Was your top inspired by
chin of the Blowfish?

-- IdahoHottPotato

Miss Manners says it's not nice to make fun of 'tards with skin conditions.

It's 2009!  Time to dance!

2008 Douchie Award Winner, The Blowfish, wants to wish everyone a very Happy New Year!!