Hot Chicks With Douche Bags

The King of Sears (aka Starry Blight) and Hello Kitty Hott Dance on a Bed at a Club

Growing and greased up HCwDB legend in the making (but not yet Hall of Scrote inductee) The Starry Blight, and his standard bottle blonde inflat-a-bleeth Hello Kitty Hott are starting to demonstrate a distinct longevity in hottie/douchey toxic display.

Let’s see.

1. Unlimited time to party

2. No apparent means of employment or financing

3. Douchal signifiers in enough concentration to tranquilize Will Ferrell at a birthday party

4. Really, really, and I mean really bad tatts

Hmm. Our 2010 Douchie Winner for Douchiest Tatt is putting in an epic run. Vegas oddsmakers are upping the possibility of a Hall of Scrote nom if they keep this prodigious output up over the next few seasons.

Wilhelm’s Tie Proves the Spicolli Theorem

So sayeth the immortal words of Jeff Spicolli to Brad Hamilton at the All American Burger, where Brad worked, like, six months ago.

And so let it be written on the subway walls and tenement halls as a warning to all that goeth into clubs to mack on confused foreign exchange students with no hint of boob reveal and bad tattoos.

Shirtless + Tie = the stupidhead.

Shrinky Dink Overcompensates

Methinks “the shallow end of the pool” concept metaphorisizes this pic in on a number of levels.

Gruber and Milya Listen to Autobahn Ja?

boom siss boom siss boom siss boom siss….

When ze rhythm hits ze sternum, Gruber cannot be responsible for ze desire to remove his shirt, Ja? He blames ze music. An ze Jews.

NOTE: The editors of HCwDB would like to apologize for making the lazy, obvious and not particularly creative joking assumption that Germans are still anti-Semites nearly seven decades after electing Adolph Hitler as their chosen messiah. This type of lazy and substandard stereotype humor has no place at HCwDB. The editors promise to avoid such lazy humor in the future. If all the Armenians in Glendale would just learn to drive properly on the 134, this never would’ve hapened.

White Guy Willie Laughs at Turning 42

Because when you’re as suave as White Guy Willie, alls you need are a cool buzz, some tasty metamuscil, and you’re fine.

Karen Lawyers Up

Brief HCwDB Hottie Karen, from last week’s Jeffy Notabag Wins at the Game of Life, ain’t takin’ no guff from the HCwDB regulars:

—–
Ok this is “Karen” again. Delete that f@#king article. Ive had enough. I was very patient at first but now you have pissed me off. My personal sex life is STILL on there! And now you posted a link for my modeling site with the article. Delete that article immediately or you will be hearing from my lawyer ! I already had to stop my mother once from contacting him. Delete. It. Now.

Sent from my iPhone
—–

And a short while later, from Karen’s “photographer:”

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To whom it may concern,
It has been brought to my attention that you have two copyrighted images posted in a forum on your website. Please see the link below. The first image is a monochrome image of a models backside and the second image is of the same model in a teal lingerie set. The images are copyrighted by myself. John Valerio photographer NCIstudios/Norcal-Images.

http://hotchickswithdouchebags.com/2011/08/jeffy-nottabag-wins-at-the-game-of-life/#comments
——

Actually, the photog has a legit copyright claim, so I did delete those pics from the thread. The links, however, remain up, as back where I come from, images posted on the interwebs can be linked to. Since they’re images posted on the interwebs.

As to Mother, was it really necessary to make the crew of the Nostromo respond to that distress signal?

Still no word on if a lawsuit is pending from The Good Ship Lollicockk.

HCwDB of the Month: The Most Interesting Douchebag In The World and Brittney

He may not always be a douchebag macking on hot chicks. But when he is, he…

Oh, who are we kidding? When is The Most Interesting Douchebag in the World not a douchebag?

A solid victory in the monthly and a slot at the 2011 Douchie Awards in December for our speedo wearing groin shave revealing ubersquat and the tasty suckle thigh in his presence. The voters speak:

Mandouchian Candidate: TMIDBITW brings a whole new level of douchebaggery. Oblivious of his own stench and unaware of his vomit inducing aura, he is the winner, and by winner, I mean most likely to be tied up and drug down the Vegas strip by a foreigner in a Scion.

icame isaw idouched: He doesn’t always suck cock but when does, they call him the Dyson. He’s TMIDBITW and a winner

Guid is Good: Yeah gotta go with teh Most Interesting Douchebag in the World and Brittney. He is all that is roided, veiny and wrong with the world. Plus he’s probably stolen his mum’s diuretics too. Brittney is 6, maybe 12 months away from complete Bleethdom. Too peroxided, too orange. The perfect couple.

Bret Easton Douchis: The Post-Empire Answer is the Douchiest man in the world. He is unrepentently Douche. The bleeth to the left matters little. The Hottie/Douche paradigm is soooooo “Empire Thinking”.

G.C.: interesting douchebag and his legs that never get any steroid-love.

Douche Assassin: steroid-based physique? That’s a check. Strangely thin pin-head? Check. Eurobriefs? What the hell man. Creepy vein/stretch marks originating from his groin shave reveal? I don’t even know what to say. This guy is losing so hard he went past #winning and already won.

Whoop-di-douche: a veritable combo of half-nekkid bods in the glaring sun, “Hey, yo, look at me and my tatts and ripped muscles and tighty swimsuits.”
Time for a dunking.

soy bomb: This is a tough month. I’m just gonna keep it short ‘n sweet and vote for the guy with a hockey puck strapped to his wrist.

tall guy: my vote goes to TMIDBITW and Brittney for their sheer reptilian repulsiveness.

Lady Scatterly: The Most Interesting Doucebag in the World, for his nut huggin shorts with sock and shoe combo. And the whole DB vibe he’s got going on.

Douchey Lewis and the News: He doesn’t always wear shorts, but when he does they are package squishers.

The Reverend Chad Kroeger: He doesn’t always wear a George Michaels type beard. But when he he does, he likes it stroked by a penis.

Wedgie: Seldom do we see the personification of all this site despises contained with such perfection in one photo. His list is complete: GSR, 10 lb. watch, shirtless, marble bag, stupid tatts, etc. Plus, white socks with black shoes thrown in for bonus points. Stupid choad, even in Vegas you don’t make that mistake. She is heavenly, all bikini’d up with high heels; I love her deeply. And by deeply, I mean completely superficial sex lasting all of 36 seconds, if I’m lucky.

Dude McCrudeshoes: “I don’t always sodomize chimpanzees, but when I do, I always take them to dinner first. Stay douchey, my friends.”

Hurl Schelbe: In the end, I went with TMIDITW because of those bitchen GSR Tendons.

Well parsed, team, and TMIDITW jokes celebrate the best ad campaign of 2010 in nicely satirical style. Good work. Coming in a solid second place, the classic jerzwankery of The Broctopus and Melinda:

El Bastardo Magnifico: Broctopus is Busch league Ab Lobster, with a room temperature IQ and the comedic timing of a threshing machine accident. Party Girl Melinda would be equally impressed by a shiny Spongebob keychain and a roll of bubble wrap, and not necessarily both things at once. I don’t want to believe creatures like this are capable of excreting waste without some kind of extensive nine week training program, much less possessing the ability to dress themselves and use language. Here’s to a genetic dead end, gentlemen.

Medusa Oblongata: At least the other three look somewhat content to be in the company of bouncie boobie succle hott. But Broctopus? Squeezing out a Chore-Boy buttplug. And Melinda looks like the chick that I’d have the best shot with. So, for the smug, and the luscious thigh, Broctopus FTW and the aforementioned Alpaca trampling.

stephanie: The Broctopus is so sickening as a non entity. Nothing but a tube of hair jell.

Herodouchous: Over spiked hair, douchal expression, chin pubes, jeans that came from the store ripped up, white belt, Incredible Hulk ab reveal in a location where his shirt should remain on, and a leg warmer hottie. Yep, I’d say Broctopus is going the extra mile to win the monthlies.

McDouche: They make me sick. If I was at that bar I would light myself on fire.

They are bar light fiery indeed, McD. But in a surprising voting result, the clubbaggery of Crotch Johnson and the Hottness of the Sara Bikini Twins came in a distant third. Dr. Bunsen Honeydouche writes the dissenting decision:

Dr. Bunsen Honeydouche: Crotch Johnson and the Sara Bikini Hotties FTW! Why? The tatt. The tatt right above what I’m almost positive would be a GSR. It works like the focal point of the picture. Sure, you look at the hotts and have your dirty little thoughts but then you keep noticing it. You look again at the reduochulous hat but then you’re staring at the tatt again. You spend an inordinate amount of time looking at the female GSR’s but the tatt is still in your field of vision. No matter how hard you try it is always there. All the others provide some form of relief (Young Mom Carol’s blue eyes, the fucck me boots of Party Girl Melinda, or the smashed boobies and taught tummy of white trash Brittney) but this one leaves you with that same feeling you get when a finger breaks through the toilet paper. And you had Taco Bell last night.

creature: Crotch Johnson is the rancid meat in a chlamydia bleeth sandwhich…they are all 3 vile & are prompting me to put my entire portfolio into the body condom market…it’s a gross, er, growth industry

Well said Creatch and Dr. Bun. “Broken Toilet Paper Taco Bell Buttwipe” was my favorite thrash band in the 80s. Moving on. The Silverlake Stubble ™ of Silverlake Todd and Young Mom Carol also tied for third, but with support.

dbBen: Silverlake Todd. He tells people that he’s the Brody Jenner of Texas.

All four couplings brought the HC/DB dialectics in gellatinous spades. But there was no beating Crotch Vein. Wait, that sounds vaguely nasty. Lets let long time ‘bag slayer Chris in ‘Baghdad take us home:

TMIDITW & Brittney….he may indeed be the most interesting ‘Bag yet tagged, not the most exotic, but since he never wore a shirt, even to church…and she is a bleethy bleeth for sure. Chrome off a trailer hitch and more. He also might be the Ugliest Douchebag in the World, which, if he holds twin titles, surely puts him over the top for the monthly.

Chalk ’em, Dano. They’se in the Yearly and the DB1 brings his laptop in to get fixed after spilling ‘Train on it last night upon learning that internet legend Mecha Hineyho, aka “Zyzz,” passed away in Thailand at the age of 22. R.I.P. to this frolicking legend who joins the late Pumpy in the sky.

Laker Melloni Continues the Trend of Least Creative ‘Bag Hand Gesture #1

As Mr. Scrotato Head observed in handing out the 2010 Douchie Award for Douchiest Hand Gesture, the once complex gang signs, peace signs and Shockers have given way in recent years to the stupidest of all stupid gestures.

Here we see yet another of water inspired inflatadouchery in inglourious basterdian action.

Even Jenny’s getting in on the numbnutsery.

Woe is the day I thought I’d long for even The Peaches Point over this lameness.

‘Bag / Nottabag: Sunset Dusty

Sunset Dusty is a tough call.

Do we call douche for the stupidhair and inability to make a tie?

Or do we give him the goofball pass, a shmoey teen in way over his head, out of his league and under his depth, with Perfect Sucklechomp Amanda.

All of 48 hours away from Amanda realizing she could date 30 year olds with jobs, cars and money.

What say you?

Dusty.

‘Bag?

Or Nottabag?

Prickles The Clown Can’t Get A Job

Everyday, average, ordinary guy with douche-hair, Prickles The Clown, is still macking on the Asian anime villainness hotts.

Still offering no raison d’etre save for the stupid face.

And, in the strangest twist of this strange tale of Prickles the Clown’s strange adventures, being buddies with Alpha-douche Criss Angel.