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Thursday, August 4, 2011
Dances With Crabs
The former “John Douchebar” has gone fully native in the strange land of Vegas.
Falling for both “Stands with Cosmo” and “Scratches With Itch,” the newly renamed “Dances With Crabs” plans to beat out Martin Scorsese for an Oscar, and then star in “Waterworld 2: Golden Shower.”
Thursday, August 4, 2011Reader Mail: Slovakian Douchery
Gregor Bagsa writes in with a horrifying discovery of global douche plague:
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Subject: Douching it up in Slovakia (YouTube video)
The taint is strong in Slovakia. Yes, the girls are a bit bleethed but, anyway, it definitely meets the requirements starting :09 seconds and continuing unabated ’till the end. Bonus bizzaro cross-dressing suppressed homoerotic spin the bottle scene thrown in for good measure near the end.
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Talentless, European and Douchey is no way to go through life, kids. That video mades my nethers twitch, and not in that good sugar rush kinda way.
Thursday, August 4, 2011Jeffy Nottabag Wins at the Game of Life
PIC DELETED
With no evidence to convict, save for the warning sign chin pubery (and creepy porcelain wedding doll collection), alls I can say is good on you, Jeffy.
Karen is purity of uberpooch slappa penguin suckle thigh frantic cattleprod ankle drool. Top shelf malt liquor that even Billy Bee raises an eyebrow for. I fondle her Mai Tai in a Cosmo glass awkwardly, but only semi-inappropriately.
Let this pic give us hope. And let us get back to douche mocking, stat.
Thursday, August 4, 2011Thaa Skivv
It’s early.
Your humble narrator is sipping the caffeinated pee from a Keurig k-cup.
And Thaa Skivv is douching it up all over Midwestern Melanie.
Let the Bleething commence. Ya got some hair grease on your shirt there, Midwestern Melanie.
Wednesday, August 3, 2011Enrique and the Art of Pink Undies Reveal
Remember kids.
Only true badasses wear pink underwear to the public pool on Saturdays when the 2-for-1 hoagie special is offered by the ladies of the Rotary Lodge.
Oh Burpy Brenda. I forgive you your poor choice in men and honor your wearing of the fabled Zoroastrian Veil of the Privates on top of your bikini.
For it hails the Holy Curve of Pear as the ancient legend foretold. So I poke it. And the lifeguard asks me to leave.
Wednesday, August 3, 2011Vinny and the French Ticklers
Interesting historical footnote, “Vinny and the French Ticklers” was the first name of 80s supergroup, “Menudo.”
Moob Shirts
Still out there.
Still douchey.
Rapidly becoming a toxic plague 2011 Douchal Signifier when hitting on milfy goth mom/daughter club girl tandems.
Wednesday, August 3, 2011Big Red is All Growed Up
Only the longest of longtime HCwDB readers will remember pudly ‘bagling Big Red from way back in 2006.
Big Red was going down the tragic path of collar pop and douche hand gesture. The ‘Red even made it to his prom in strange-ass green tie as he slowly grew into a college ‘bagling.
Longtime readers, I bring good news!
Big Red is all groweds up.
And actually looks pretty a-ok while pulling some quite tasty collegiate hotties.
Good for you, Big Red.
A tip of Ubiquitous Red Cup in your direction, and a hearty go in peace.
Wait!!… Is that a… “Shocker?”… Oh, Big Red. So close. And yet so far.
Tuesday, August 2, 2011Muttonchop Max asks Megan if she Likes To, Like, Listen to Snow Patrol, and if, maybe later, she’d wanna go smoke up together
Megan said no.
Tuesday, August 2, 2011Brazilian Emo Hulk is In Our Soulz, Typin’ On Our Computer!!
Aiyeee!!!
No hot chick!! No regular issue douchebag!!
Just uberpoo.
The creepy wrongness of Brazilian Emo Hulk is too much to endure…
Must…
Stare at…
Consciousness slowly returning…
EDIT: As per Wolfram74‘s suggestion in the comments thread, Brazilian Emo Hulk takes his rightful place in our digital leper colony quarantine we call the Closet of Poo.
