Ask DB1: Floristery?
——
DB1,
Is floristry a douche vocation?
While I love a bloom as much as the next bloke I’d always considered it the least desirable choice of vocation for a douche to enter.
I guess discounts on fairly impressive arrangements would be a bonus, especially when compared to the horrid bunches sold at convenience stores. A regular stream of WooHotts browsing the bouquets must also be an added attraction, but I’m still not convinced.
– Tall Guy
——
I like turtles.
D.J. Assholio
Q: What happens to the Assholios you knew in high school?
A: They grow up to become this guy.
Can someone explain what the hell these Pocahontas headgear things are that are showing up on the boobie hottie suckle thighs these days? I can’t tell whether to stalk them on Facebook or ask Tom Mix to do a rope trick.
Yeah, that was a Tom Mix reference.
I’mma go back to bed.
Caption This Pic
When Ted decided to start up his own business, “Shirtless Bros With Overdeveloped Trapezius Muscles Promoting Clubs By Carrying Around Bikini Hotts,” the bank loan officer was, at first, quite skeptical.
EDIT: Props to readers Miss Scarlette and Leon Brothabag for correctly tagging this hott as Bikini Clara from Bikini Clara and Moped Mike.
Pecopolous and The Isle of Slutty Hott
Ah yes, I remember this from eighth grade Greek Literature. It was a short story by the ancient Greek playwright, Cervixes.
I loved the part when Pecopolous ran into the evil succubus, “Smiley Face,” and then on the Isle of Slutty Hott, Shish Kabob lead them across the River of Styx to the dulcet tones of “Come Sail Away.” And then the Sirens of Titan sang the banana boat song.
Yeah. That was it.
At least I think that’s how that story went. I might’ve gotten it slightly wrong.
Old Man Liver
He jussssttttt keeps douchin’… he jusssstttt keeps douchin’…. alonggggg…
Giggle Ladies with Daddy Issues, Part 2
Continuing our recent study of Giggle Ladies with Daddy Issues (GLwDI), here’s Maria and Consuela getting back at their dad for moving them out of state back in 2nd grade.
The tool of their revenge, and by tool I mean tool: “Tommy Pak.”
Poor, poor Mario.
He just wanted a better life for his kids.
He’ll carry the karmic and existential pain of Tommy Pak through the retirement years.
Pop Quiz: Flingers at a Pool Party
Two Flingers find themselves in the presence of tasty taught Giggle Ladies With Daddy Issues (GLwDI) at a sunset pool party. Do they:
A. Decide to make conversation meant to get to know the Giggle Ladies on a better and more personal level
B. See if they’d like any additional food and beverages, and make inquiries as to if they’re getting cold and would like to stand closer to the portable heater lamps
C. Recount erudite anecdotes from their last academic conference attended
D. Give the middle finger to a nearby camera
Answer now.
Randy Doggiebaggin Pretends to Like Stacy
Sure Randy Doggiebaggin will demonstrate his patented Doggie ‘Baggin’ move on Stacy when cameras are present.
That’s for appearances.
But it’s only during Private Bro Time that Randy can truly get chizzle.
Tatticus Finch
We’ve seen bad tatt wipewanks hitting on Pocahontas Hotties.
And we’ve seen really bad tatt wipewanks hitting on Pocahontas Hotties.
But ne’er have we seen the heinosity that is “Blackjack Crotch.”
I mock and bird Tatticus Finch.
And I feed a sammich to Kelly, while surreptitiously surveying her wedding ring for truth value.
