Tuesday Limerick
There once were two greaseclowns from Covina,
Who crushed a tiny ballerina named Nina,
A ‘bag sandwich they squeezed,
And poor Nina was seized,
As her florentina turned the color of orangina.
Where’s Captain Shnook?
Somewhere in this lineup of two party girls and a Dane Cookbag, I’ve carefully hidden a 19th Century literary figure of early proto-douchebaggery.
Can you find his greasy naval scurvyness?
No Shirty For Oldbag
“Out in them foothills, that’s where we find what a makeup a fellers got. And nature will tell us if that be a man, or a douche with the stupid tatts hittin on a bar wench.” — Sheriff Wayne Driscoll, Briscoe County, 1896.
Captain Shnook
Ah yes, from Senior Year, we all remember reading The Rhyme of the Ancient Marinated Chin Fung.
The Barbara Sisters rang in the New Year in style — with awkward and unwanted gropes in the kitchen by Captain Shnook’s harpoons.
Nip Tweakin’ in the New Year
Rocker Bobby is standard Sunset Strip flush. I mock his Jesus Bling with rote dedication, and move quickly on to Red Stripe Sarah.
Yes, I see you, you bouncy bartender wench giggle bobble. Sure you wear too much makeup and are way too excited to be there. But yours is a perky smile of sunrises and corona lights, that only smells vaguely like an ashtray mixed with melted Certs.
Incidentally, Rocker Bobby’s belly button fung vaguely resembles Sarlac’s Pit.
Baghwan Zenbeard Says…
Baghwan Zenbeard says:
This year will contain a multitude of hottie/douchey configurations you can not anticipate and can not prepare for. But you must mock. For the hottness requires lustful thoughts and demands on a society of culture fail that continues to permeate their boobages.
Well said, Baghwan Zenbeard.
You earn a hearty nottadouche and a goinpeace. Because the new year has made me feel generous.
As for the women, sell them to me. I will ravage the blonde uponst only the finest of stitched Iroquois sheets at break of dawn during the monsoon season, then call for tea and cale by moonlight, served by my servant man/boy, Urdu.
Snow Leopards and Shoescrape Tommy
bam.
What, you thought I’d go light on you cuz it’s a new year?
I don’t think so. No Weekly this week, but we’re rampin’ up a full slate of hottie/douchey mock.
Shoescrape Tommy is two inches of plain undies poke away from finally making the manager position at Arby’s.
Snow Leopard Lonnie digs his impressive expertise at Call of Duty: Black Ops.
“Listening To My Penis”
As we bask in the glow of a successfully completed 2010 Douchie Awards and Christmas is finally over, the great Jon Lajoie says all that needs to be said.
The King Says “Happy Douche Year!!”
Clubwank Bandits are still out there in 2011.
Still to be mocked.
While the Vegas Boobie Hottie Suckle Thigh stays eternally young in the collective subconscious.
Happy Happy to all HCwDB readers as your humble narrator gets drunk in Gotham…
Halloween HCwDB Pics Comin’ In
I decided not to do an official Halloween HCwDB contest, mainly because with Jersey Shore having flooded the cultural consciousness, it’s hard to argue the hottie/douchey Halloween costume is solely our province anymore.
That being said, some great hottie/douchey costumes have come in already (this genius “mandana and annoyed hott cat chick” courtesy of reader ipkiss).
So if you or a loved one went as something appropriating the ‘bags and hotts we mock on HCwDB, send me your stuff.
As readers have pointed out, this costume also appears to be that of the legendary Antoine Dodson. Who is not a douche. He’s a musical genius.
