Crotchy Itchic
“Fun With Fonts” will be offered at the Learning Annex this Wednesday and Thursday from 6:00-8:00pm. All you need to bring is your laptop and your creativity! $20 for members, $25 for non-members, $40 for douchebags with blank t-shirts. Brothabag Mel will be teaching the course.
Brothabag Mel Doesn't Care About the HCwDB of the Week
He just wanted you to know that he enjoys vagina.
Brothabag Mel Doesn’t Care About the HCwDB of the Week
He just wanted you to know that he enjoys vagina.
HCwDB of the Week
Our last Weekly before the next Monthly, and it’s a good one. Last week was a surprisingly potent blend of HC and DB. The choices were hard to cull to three. But cull I must. So lets crank up this here place and get on our Mock. Bring it.
Here’s your finalists:
HCwDB of the Week Finalist #1: Night Oranger and Chrissie
What more can be said about a shirtless orange dude sporting camel toe? Only this: Mother Theresa can suck it.
There is no God.
Hashem hates us.
Ganesh was like, “Yo, I’m out.” Can’t blame you, Ganesh.
And poor Chrissie. Despite the strange makeup and granny undies, she’s pure like snowflake. Innocent and boobuous. Although perhaps of stumpy legs.
But I like stumpy legs.
Together, they make HC/DB AC/DC. I don’t know what that means. But I’m hung over and in the East Village today, and New York smells like lilacs and garbage.
HCwDB of the Week Finalist #2: Yo Jimbo and the Kuyuko Girls
And lets not forget the sequel: Yo Jimbo Finds Tampopo
In the realm of the senses, this pic smells, tastes, looks, touches, sounds and senses ghosts like poo.
The Seven Samurai just up and quit, took their swords and went back to their villages.
Miike just made a 90 minute hi-def handheld video about poop. It didn’t have anything to do with this pic. It’s actually just his new film ,”I Reject Your Elitist Attempt to Call me An Auteur.”
I have no idea what I’m writing.
Did I mention I’m hung over and in New York? The urbanite young femmes tempt me with miniskirt and coquettish pout.
HCwDB of the Week Finalist #3: Nicole and the Cabbage Face
A rare Saturday HCwDB pic to make the finals, there’s just something about this pic that rankles me.
It’s the face. The Cabbage Face needs a team of angry Liliputians armed with matchstick pitchforks to go to town on his nads until society is sure he won’t reproduce.
Did I just embrace Eugenics as a systemic ideology of social good?
Yes. Yes I did.
And Nicole is pure pouty talcum bottom goodness.
Her voice is high pitched and nasal, but I don’t care. And I read her the Bernstein Bears before gnawing upon her ankles while cranking Bad Brains on her iTunes.
(Dis)honorable mention to the bohoemeth that is Hulk Brogan, The O-Face, The Jenga Crew, the perfect six-pack of boobs in Billy has a Thought, and the toxic Billy Corsican, who’s bunny was just too paid-to-pose to qualify as true HCwDB.
Hmmm. Note to self: Overuse of “Billy” as a name.
And then there’s Pumpito. Who is safely ensconced in our Closet of Poo, and will not be mentioned again. Yeesh.
Smell the toxicity of pud and ubergnaw of boobies, and then make your choice, as always, in the comments thread.
Vote now, fellow ‘bag hunters. We must mock together, or we will surely mock alone.
Asswankery in the Subcontinent
Somewhere in the floating ethereal afterlife of spiritual spectrality, Mahatma Gandhi just took a dump on St. Peter’s face in silent protest for the travesty of this clip.
Then Gandhi macked on Mother Theresa by busting his patented “Gandiggity neck massage.”
Which is just wrong. Cut it out, Gandhi. Don’t make me call over Buddha to settle this at the mahjong table.
Nicole's Dating a Cabbage Patch Face
Nicole’s childhood Cabbage Patch Kid fixation is still being worked out in therapy.
Nicole’s Dating a Cabbage Patch Face
Nicole’s childhood Cabbage Patch Kid fixation is still being worked out in therapy.
Friday Thoughts and Links
A humid and sunny Friday for your humble narrator in the City of Angels.
The podcast I recorded with Adam Carolla last week will go live on Tuesday, so be sure to check it out. We riff on all things Grieco and douchey.
This weekend, your drunken babblefish will fly to New York, where I will consume tasty Hostess products and wander the streets of the lower east side. As I await my show’s third season pickup from MTV, I am pensive. And unshaven.
But if there’s one thing I’ve learned in my years wandering this earth, it is this: Plants are just mammals with roots.
Here’s your links:
MSN’s “The Surf Report” reads HCwDB, discovers Pumpito. But doesn’t give credit where credit is due.
Prankster ‘bag hunters cleverly mock a tanning salon using Oompa Loompa iconography. Nicely done, street-art satirists!
In redundant news, Dallas Mavericks owner and internet lottery winner Mark Cuban is a douche.
Reader Angie tags us a depressing license plate in New York. On a Ford Mustang, natch.
A day in the life of Suzie McCoppin’s boobs.
Baskin & Robbins comes up with Jerz Cream.
Douchebags in the News: Don’t forget to get vaccinated!
Okay, after another week of enduring a Pumpito clip, you deserve a real reward. And reward you, I shall.
What’s more glorious than the glories of Tub Pear?
Or, if you prefer your pear of the Asian varietal, there’s the glories of Kimchi Pear.
And for that, you’ve been suitably rewarded for another quality week of mock.
Go forth kids. Go forth and sing the harmonies of life’s maddening illogic. And grab a grabby butt while you’re at it.
Young Ted Gets a Nottadouche
Maybe I’m feeling generous this Friday, but I’m giving one of our rare nottadouches to Ted here.
Ted’s obviously watched a bit too much VH1. The hair’s a bit fwippy. The vest + shirt is hipsterbag douche. The arm tatt is somewhat suspect.
But there’s just not enough evidence to convict.
Here’s your nottadouche and goinpeace, Ted. Good work on snagging Supple Rachel for the prom.
Now clean up your room.
And Rach, when you get to Sarah Lawrence, call me. I’ll sneak you into a bar on the lower east side and ply you with Cosmos while I pretend to listen to your dreams of a career in urban planning.
