Cheech and Shlong
They just don’t make hippies like they used to.
I blame Phish.
Flirting with Champagne Katie
HCwDB of the Week Hott winner Champagne Katie’s threats to prosecute this site resulted in a number of ‘bag hunters seeking her out to reason with her.
Reader Kennedy writes in asking if, while acting as an emirate for the site, hitting on the hott is also okay:
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Subject: Please don’t hate me for lovin on Champagne Katie
Or Friending and chatting with her. Think I brought her around to the Bag-huntin lifestyle.
But if you must call me out for doucheitude, don’t use my current FB pic. That’s my sister, man. Family occasion. Please accept this Halloween pic of the classic Cell Cam in Mirror instead.
But mainly hope you’ll give me a nottadouche hall pass and let me go in peace to sin some more.
——
The Douchadox is a powerful force, one in which ‘bag hunter is both attracted to, and repelled by, the Bleeth. Struggle with it, you must, Grasshopper. The decision must be made by you and you alone.
On a related note, reader Oliver Wendell Douche, a real lawyer in Austin, Texas, has agreed to represent HCwDB, pro bono, in the case of “Champagne Katie V. HCwDB. Here is OWD’s official letter of response.
Homies Who Say “Yo”
Oh Vanessa and Katie.
How horribly wrong your night out has gone.
What stories of woe you’ll tell your besties Senior Year when you look back on Freshman orientation. For you did not heed the legend of the Homies Who Say “Yo.”
And so you shall suffer the consequences of youthful mistake. With awkward boob grab and puke in the back seat of your Honda that, like, its smell just won’t go away even after you used, like, two cans of Glade.
The Smarm Candy
Who did Patty call when she was desperate for someone take her to the clubs on Saturday?
1-800-Smarm-Candy.
(Little did Patty know that phone numbers are only 7 digits, so she really only had to dial 1-800-Smarm-Ca.)
The Unabagger
Somewhere… in a cabin in a woods in rural Montana… one lone doucher plots… to be “da bomb.”
Champagne Katie Can’t Wait to Prosecute Against This Site
HCwDB of the Week hott winner Champagne Katie responds to HCwDB in the comments threads:
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I can’t wait to prosecute against this site! By the way my name is janira who ever put this up better be making money. I did not give permision for my picture to be put up on this dumb ass shit people get a life seriously this is what I call people and dumb asses with no life.
—–
Not only did I put up this site, but I recently discovered commas.
Where’s Collegiate Pudwank Waldouche?
Somewhere in this lineup of pillow fighting state school giggle bobbs named Kelly, all of whom hate math, I’ve carefully hidden a collegiate pudwank Waldouche.
Look closely.
Can you find him asking confused foreign exchange students what their major is?
HCwDB of the Week: Toxic Terry and Angelica
It was a rockerpud douche-slide.
Many, like Army of Doucheness, observed that this may be the douchewank from some briefly famous band called Crazytown. Regardless, no Rockstar Leniency Rule granted.
This wiggachoad deserves our full collective mock. And Angelica’s sweet, sweet curves deserve our collective gnaw. Some of the immediate responses:
Wheezer: I smell a Weekly winner. And it’s a stench of Axe, poo, and last night’s late patty melt rush at the Waffle House.
Douche Springsteen: Is that the dude from Crazy Town? And is that some sort of hybrid of Peg Bundy / Donna from That 70s Show that escaped from a lab that brings my bizarre TV sitcom character sex fantasies to life?
Luis Douchuel: Oooh celebridouche. Somehow this makes me feel better. And by feel better I mean puke.
Mr. White: re: the Crazy Town douche AND the Katy Segal hott. I want her to dress up like Lela from Futurama and play cyclops sex games with me.
Foxy Mocksy: Tough guy exterior with emotional problems interior is like crack to the ladies. You are most assuredly correct DB1. The ladies that can’t see through this ploy. Take your wounded tattooed bunny routine elsewhere douchebag.
Deltus: She is far too tasty yumm gargle rinse repeat to be anywhere near him, “celebrodouche” or not. Actually tough guys would wipe their asses with him. Not his shirt, mind, but *him*.
But Magnum Douche P.I. sums it up best with the following:
The term “celebrity” has gotten extremely watered down over the past few years. This guy is a slapable douche, no matter if he was on some reality show I never hear of or not.
Yes. Yes he is. And she is tasty.
Together, a quite viable hottie/douchey dialectic to go with your Monday Irish Coffees, and a worthy next entrant in our next HCwDB of the Month.
(Dis)honorable mention to the increasingly nottadouche and heroic Frobot, Skippy and Timmy Playboy Gangstas, The infant suckletude of Sailor Sam and Kelly, and the irritating Angry Lip Guy Shushes You. Also there was the confounding Kennedy Head Wound ‘Bag, and, of course, the important news that The Donkster Goes Free!
An important week of douchable developments on many fronts. But now your humble narrator will eat a bowl of Frosted Flakes. Or two.
The King’s Speech
In honor of tonight’s Academy Awards, The King wanted to drop by and say hi to everyone, and, of course, give a speech:
King: I pretend to have fun for money!
Yes you do, King.
Yes you do.
