HCwDB

    Saturday, November 30, 2013

    Happy Holidays From Hot Chicks With Douchebags!!

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    To all my long term regs, my short term readers, my casual drop-ins and every so oftens, my true ‘bag mockers, and my serious ‘bag taggers and huntresses.

    May your Thanksgiving Weekend be as prosporious as a Greasepitzer and Eve celebrating in the frothy locus of spewy spray.

    For as Ringo teaches us, labels don’t define us, the ablity to mock does.

    # posted by douchebag1
    Thursday, June 13, 2013

    Hallmark's "Say it With Donk"

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    HCwDB is branching out into the greeting card business. I anticipate this becoming a best seller.

    Suggest your best inside-card slogans to pitch our first line of cards, “Say it With Donk.”

    EDIT:  Here’s our leading contenders:

    “The burning is only temporary. I promise.” – Ted Brogan

    “Hope the tests come back negative.” – Guid is Good

    “I’m sorry the bone disease has spread to your left arm.” – FredN.

    “Sorry about your grandma dying or some junk. Ummm I’m sure she’s with Jesus or Buddha or whatever. Anyway, uhhh, uhhh, crap why is this so hard??? Whatevs, Hallmark cards are for fags anyway!” – Capt. James T. Douche

    “Congratulations! I heard you made bail!” – Scooby Douche

    “Happy Fathers Day

    Whoever you are” – Creature

    “Thanks for the best sex I’ve had since prison!” – DoucheyWallnuts

    “Happy Birthday! I got you a bracelet. It matches the one my parole officer put on me for home monitoring.” – Magnum Douche P.I.

    # posted by douchebag1
    Saturday, January 19, 2013

    HCwDB Sails Onward….

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    From the peaks of fame and fortune, celebrity worship, and Hollywood a’callin’, to the ignominy of internet passe status, HCwDB moves through inter-life as a she-beast of nostalgic oasis.

    For we are, after all, the oldest internet picture-mocking blog of them all.

    Almost seven years old.

    Which is 145 on the interwebs.

    Like a pixeled dog-ratio.

    Sure I could pull the plug on this site. Say “that’s all folks!” Mark it done.

    But, I tells ya, I’m not going out proudly.

    I’mma limp and whimper onward, ever onward, into fading irrelevancy.

    Because that’s how I roll.

    And because pear.

    # posted by douchebag1
    Tuesday, January 8, 2013

    GoDaddy Tongue Licks My Cheeseballs

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    Site was down all morning, thanks to the Ad Wizards at GoDaddy, who prefer to pay Danica Patrick to take off her clothes than actually provide working dedicated servers.

    Which, come to think of it, is actually a logical decision.

    But the site was down alls morning and now I’m cleaning up the detritus and getting ready for some more new-column shenangians.

    In the meantime, enjoy the perfection of curvy-taut Carolyn on the right. I would pitch-step through a field of nuclear daisies just for the chance to fondler her bears in the woods.

    # posted by douchebag1
    Tuesday, January 1, 2013

    Orangeman Jones says, “Happy New Year!!”

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    This afternoon, Orangeman Jones plans to invest in soy futures.

    The Silk Sheer Caramela Twins are paid to appreciate your staring at their suckle thighs. While the clock is running, they pout wistfully and thank you for your attentions.

    EDIT: It has been confirmed that Orangeman Jones is none other than the one and only Nick the Dick from Bachelor Party. Not looks like Nick the Dick. The actual Nick the Dick. Slow-clap please.

    # posted by douchebag1
    Tuesday, October 26, 2010

    Dave Templescrote Bothers Lori

    Dave almost got away with a nottadouche.

    But sometimes the ‘bag signifiers can be as small as twin douchey two-inch racing stripes carved upon one’s temple like a Mayan alter to the ancient god Scrotolaurus.

    Mmmm… Lori. Tight red dress and giggle hott tautness. Add in some weird, dated 80s hat that’s reminding me of Laura San Giacomo from Sex, Lies and Videotape, and I would suckle gnaw like feral hamster.

    # posted by douchebag1
    Tuesday, October 19, 2010

    Assface McReynolds

    There’s really only one question that Assface McReynolds ponders when he’s hitting on the Jerz Hottettes.

    Is he more of a badass with glasses? Or without?

    (Bonus points for finding Bemused Brotha in Pic #2)

    # posted by douchebag1
    Thursday, October 14, 2010

    HCwDB on Black Velvet

    Now, for only three easy payments of $19.95, you can own your very own HCwDB oil painting!

    Hanging beautifully over your fireplace, or in your den, this mass produced artwork is a surefire conversation starter. Now you can dazzle your guests with hottie/douchey artwork for years to come!

    And, if you’re one of the next twenty callers, we’ll even through in a free crotch rash! That’s a $9.99 value, your for free, just pay shipping, handling and Valtrex subscription.

    Order now!

    1-888-BAG-ITCH.

    # posted by douchebag1
    Thursday, October 7, 2010

    Lonnie Busts a Move

    And he calls it “Greasy Chests for Peace.”

    I see you, three munchable party girlkins, Sue, Suzy and Suzanne. One pensive. One giggly. And one shouting “Woo!” all the way to the bathroom. As I approve of the genetic gifts offered by the potential of your wombs, I awkwardly offer to buy you an appletini and then fondle your jacket and stare at the small of your back when you’re distracted.

    # posted by douchebag1
    Wednesday, September 15, 2010

    Brothabag Edgar is a Monthly Winner. And Orange.


    Brothabag Edgar wanted to drop by, mack on Lisa and Orangify himself, only further confusing any gender, racial, sexual or ethnic classifications that the bourgeoise attempt to place on his protean identity.

    # posted by douchebag1
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